My grandson is autistic and today is National Autism Day.
I won't go into a great deal of detail here about how his condition affects our family. If you want to know more, visit my other blog, The Clever Writer.
Life's design sometimes challenges a Blue Sky Attitude. That's a fact. A Blue Sky Attitude doesn't just happen. As I've said before, it's a choice. It's a choice that must remain constant and actively worked toward. I've never quite understood why it is so easy for negative to overwhelm positive. Why do you suppose when we remember challenging things, we gravitate to the negative things - the things that bother us, embarassed us, or damaged us in some way? I'm not sure why that is, but over the years I've developed a technique for dealing with those thoughts. I call if my closed, nobody home policy. When a bad memory comes to mind, first I remind myself that NOBODY remembers this except me. If that's the case, then why should I carry around the hurt of this any longer. I visualize a strong door (with as many locks as you need). I open that door, mentally shove that memory into whatever space these memories need to occupy in my mind, and slam the door and lock it. I then turn my mind to something else. It can be as simple as thinking about the good book I'm reading or going for coffee or calling a friend. Anything that replaces that painful negative with a powerful positive.
Do I know that sounds weird? Yes. Put positive imagery has been used in psychotherapy for years. It's a simple technique, costs you nothing to try it, and yet can work wonders at banishing those thousands of negative thoughts that have been preserved in your brain through a simple chemical process. It works for me. Maybe it will work for you.
The brain was on my mind this morning as I wrote this post. My grandson's autistic brain doesn't work the same way yours and mine does. God's plan for this smart, active, special child is a mystery. I say, with my Blue Sky Attitude firmly in place, bring it on! Finding answers to help my grandson cope with this mysterious illness hopefully will instill in him a never give up, Blue Sky Attitude.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
A New Day, A New Attitude
Practice makes perfect is a cliche that is a cliche because it's truth. Have you ever noticed that if you socialize with a negative person, you can unconsciously begin to mimic their negativity in your comments and your thoughts? I had a friend in college who was a divorced mother with two young children. She lived in a negative frame of mind. She viewed each situation and found things to criticize. Over time, I began doing the same thing, until my father pointed out to me that his perky, positive girl had changed. Criticism from my father was always like a 10.0 earthquake. He was a quiet, thoughtful humorous man and he rarely spoke without thinking first. Hence, his criticisms - which were few and far between in my experience - had enormous impact. He made me aware and I began listening to myself. Indeed, I had begun to copy her way of dealing with life.
Negative makes drama. Negative gives people something to talk about. Ever met someone who loved to cause negative? I have. Living positive is a choice. Living negative is a choice.
Choose.
What does living positively bring you? Whether you know it or not, positivity keeps you in touch with your true self. Are there times when that gracious sense of anticipation is hard to find? Yes. Whether you're grieving, suffering through a tough illness, coping with aging family, rebellious teenagers, or recovering from a bad situation - we all have these circumstances to cope through. We ALL do. You are not alone.
Recently, my husband of twenty-five years asked for a divorce. Did I have trouble connecting with my positivity? You bet. And yet through the anger and grief, I realized that the direction those strong emotions took was up to me. If I let myself fall into a pity party, let myself rant about the unfairness of it all, dwelled on every wrong, every lie, well only person was hurt by those strong emotions? That was me. My ex-husband certainly didn't care. Don't get me wrong. It is essential to work through anger, to work through grief, or any of the other strong reactions to things. But the way you do so can give you a 'blanket' to wrap around yourself for comfort, can give you your Blue Sky Attitude. Think of that blanket like a Superman cape and use if freely and often.
I spent many nights awake, venting my frustration into the darkness in the privacy of my bedroom. I spent alot of my days resenting the selfish decision that brought destruction down upon my family. But during that same day time, I practiced "never let them see you cry." I struggled to preserve that gracious part of my personality, one that I consider essential to who I am. I remembered my father's words about negativity and worked hard (sometimes with some resentment) at minding my thoughts and my mouth. Was I always successful? No. Yet, with awareness, behavior followed and a new way of life was shaped, one that brought happiness back into my way of life. That's all a Blue Sky Attitude can ask.
Negative makes drama. Negative gives people something to talk about. Ever met someone who loved to cause negative? I have. Living positive is a choice. Living negative is a choice.
Choose.
What does living positively bring you? Whether you know it or not, positivity keeps you in touch with your true self. Are there times when that gracious sense of anticipation is hard to find? Yes. Whether you're grieving, suffering through a tough illness, coping with aging family, rebellious teenagers, or recovering from a bad situation - we all have these circumstances to cope through. We ALL do. You are not alone.
Recently, my husband of twenty-five years asked for a divorce. Did I have trouble connecting with my positivity? You bet. And yet through the anger and grief, I realized that the direction those strong emotions took was up to me. If I let myself fall into a pity party, let myself rant about the unfairness of it all, dwelled on every wrong, every lie, well only person was hurt by those strong emotions? That was me. My ex-husband certainly didn't care. Don't get me wrong. It is essential to work through anger, to work through grief, or any of the other strong reactions to things. But the way you do so can give you a 'blanket' to wrap around yourself for comfort, can give you your Blue Sky Attitude. Think of that blanket like a Superman cape and use if freely and often.
I spent many nights awake, venting my frustration into the darkness in the privacy of my bedroom. I spent alot of my days resenting the selfish decision that brought destruction down upon my family. But during that same day time, I practiced "never let them see you cry." I struggled to preserve that gracious part of my personality, one that I consider essential to who I am. I remembered my father's words about negativity and worked hard (sometimes with some resentment) at minding my thoughts and my mouth. Was I always successful? No. Yet, with awareness, behavior followed and a new way of life was shaped, one that brought happiness back into my way of life. That's all a Blue Sky Attitude can ask.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
An Irish Attitude
My mother's family is Irish. I consider the culture of Ireland, of St. Patrick's Day to be at the core of a Blue Sky Attitude.
Consider for a moment:
"May your past be a pleasant memory, your future filled with delight and mystery, your now a glorious moment, that fills your life with deep contentment."
"May brooks and trees and singing hills join in the chorus too, And every gentle wind that blows send happiness to you."
"May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light. May good luck pursue you each morning and night."
"May the luck of the Irish enfold you. May the blessings of St. Patrick behold you."
And, of course, the most famous of these: "May the road rise up to meet you..."
These are just a few of many, many Irishisms. They were common around my home growing up. Yes, I credit my mother with my Blue Sky Attitude. Which is curious for me because, as a teenager, I resented my mother's positive attitude, her try again ideas, and her demand that I not give up on myself. It wasn't until later in life that I appreciated her persistence in living that attitude, even in the face of my hostility at the time. Yet in her later years, strokes and aging issues robbed her of her life philosophy. That attitude, that life choice, was put asunder by old age and was greatly missed. I choose to remember her now with that positivity and least I forget, St. Patrick's Day reminds me.
"May you always walk in sunshine, my dearest mother. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings, right beside your door."
Consider for a moment:
"May your past be a pleasant memory, your future filled with delight and mystery, your now a glorious moment, that fills your life with deep contentment."
"May brooks and trees and singing hills join in the chorus too, And every gentle wind that blows send happiness to you."
"May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light. May good luck pursue you each morning and night."
"May the luck of the Irish enfold you. May the blessings of St. Patrick behold you."
And, of course, the most famous of these: "May the road rise up to meet you..."
These are just a few of many, many Irishisms. They were common around my home growing up. Yes, I credit my mother with my Blue Sky Attitude. Which is curious for me because, as a teenager, I resented my mother's positive attitude, her try again ideas, and her demand that I not give up on myself. It wasn't until later in life that I appreciated her persistence in living that attitude, even in the face of my hostility at the time. Yet in her later years, strokes and aging issues robbed her of her life philosophy. That attitude, that life choice, was put asunder by old age and was greatly missed. I choose to remember her now with that positivity and least I forget, St. Patrick's Day reminds me.
"May you always walk in sunshine, my dearest mother. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings, right beside your door."
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
The Coffee's Hot
My morning ritual is pretty much the same every morning. Most everyone's is. Whether it includes a shower, brushing teeth, breakfast - those are all individual choices. For all of us, our unconscious minds navigates us through these dozens and dozens of little routines without conscious effort. I'm pretty much thankful for that in the morning, as I'm never fully aware until I've taken a moment for that first sip of coffee. I like this time of the morning, because most mornings I awake with a Blue Sky Attitude. Do you?
Waking with a Blue Sky Attitude means you have a positive sense of anticipation for the day. No matter what needs to be accomplished, we all awake with a to-do list ticking in our heads and visualize working through these to successful completion. Rarely does anyone wake up and think "I'm going to fail today." Even when the day is filled with boring chores and mundane sameness, there is usually something to anticipate - even if it's a steak dinner or American Idol.
Most days conform to a routine whether you plan it that way or not. Cereal and coffee, work or school, waving at the neighbor, greeting your co-workers, turning on your computer to check email or Facebook - we all have this sameness in our day-to-day lives.
What about those days when the sameness gets smacked? You pull into traffic on your way to work and everyone is driving stupid. Getting to work takes longer, twenty minutes of hair-pulling frustration. Or before you get out the door you have an argument with (insert person here). We parents are used to having our routines smacked, especially if you have a two-year-old or teenagers. Do you keep your Blue Sky Attitude or do you think your day has gone to hell and let that run your day?
Living a Blue Sky Attitude means letting go of the annoying things that happen from moment-to-moment. Experience the anger and the frustration. Breath through it. Let it flow in, then let it back out. Think every moment - I want to keep my Blue Sky Attitude today. Sometimes all that is needed is to take a moment to visualize the negative emotion flowing through your body, let yourself be irritated or aggravated, then taking a deep breath and push that negative away. Search for that a positive idea and latch onto it, holding it close. That idea is: I'm going to have a Blue Sky Attitude today. Now.
Waking with a Blue Sky Attitude means you have a positive sense of anticipation for the day. No matter what needs to be accomplished, we all awake with a to-do list ticking in our heads and visualize working through these to successful completion. Rarely does anyone wake up and think "I'm going to fail today." Even when the day is filled with boring chores and mundane sameness, there is usually something to anticipate - even if it's a steak dinner or American Idol.
Most days conform to a routine whether you plan it that way or not. Cereal and coffee, work or school, waving at the neighbor, greeting your co-workers, turning on your computer to check email or Facebook - we all have this sameness in our day-to-day lives.
What about those days when the sameness gets smacked? You pull into traffic on your way to work and everyone is driving stupid. Getting to work takes longer, twenty minutes of hair-pulling frustration. Or before you get out the door you have an argument with (insert person here). We parents are used to having our routines smacked, especially if you have a two-year-old or teenagers. Do you keep your Blue Sky Attitude or do you think your day has gone to hell and let that run your day?
Living a Blue Sky Attitude means letting go of the annoying things that happen from moment-to-moment. Experience the anger and the frustration. Breath through it. Let it flow in, then let it back out. Think every moment - I want to keep my Blue Sky Attitude today. Sometimes all that is needed is to take a moment to visualize the negative emotion flowing through your body, let yourself be irritated or aggravated, then taking a deep breath and push that negative away. Search for that a positive idea and latch onto it, holding it close. That idea is: I'm going to have a Blue Sky Attitude today. Now.
Friday, March 9, 2012
A Promise to Do
To do is to be." Socrates
"To be is to do." Plato
"Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try." Yoda
Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent for Christians. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, repentance, charitable donations and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. There are traditionally forty days in Lent and every year the discussion about what to 'give up' for Lent occurs in every home, church, and workplace. It certainly does in mine. The idea is to be less focused on our personal wants and more concerned about others, except most of the 'denials' I hear are about food or breaking habits - attempts that pit the person against their body selves to prove obedience. Don't get me wrong. I believe there is certain strengthening powers in this activity. It trains your mind to accept that their are rules and things that can be accomplished with intense focus to an ideal. Yet, you rarely hear of those who promise to read their Bible daily to draw closer to God, nor those donating time to an organization that affects our challenging world, nor those committing time to the power of prayer. So it would seem we've become focused on the self-denial part of this equation and the rest has become invisible to our hearts and souls.
When I was growing up, I used to say to my parents, I'm going to give up such and such for Lent. Every year my mother would reply: "What are you going to DO for Lent?" Self-denial proves your obedience to an idea, but doing some action (reading, volunteering, praying) commits you to changing the world, or your little corner of it anyway.
"To be is to do." Plato
"Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try." Yoda
Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent for Christians. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, repentance, charitable donations and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. There are traditionally forty days in Lent and every year the discussion about what to 'give up' for Lent occurs in every home, church, and workplace. It certainly does in mine. The idea is to be less focused on our personal wants and more concerned about others, except most of the 'denials' I hear are about food or breaking habits - attempts that pit the person against their body selves to prove obedience. Don't get me wrong. I believe there is certain strengthening powers in this activity. It trains your mind to accept that their are rules and things that can be accomplished with intense focus to an ideal. Yet, you rarely hear of those who promise to read their Bible daily to draw closer to God, nor those donating time to an organization that affects our challenging world, nor those committing time to the power of prayer. So it would seem we've become focused on the self-denial part of this equation and the rest has become invisible to our hearts and souls.
When I was growing up, I used to say to my parents, I'm going to give up such and such for Lent. Every year my mother would reply: "What are you going to DO for Lent?" Self-denial proves your obedience to an idea, but doing some action (reading, volunteering, praying) commits you to changing the world, or your little corner of it anyway.
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